You know this story already: vampire, werewolf, and girl who can only breath through her mouth form a twisted little love triangle. Vampires sparkle, werewolf broods, and girl makes dumb decisions. With that out the way lets get to the review!
I won’t lie to you, I am a fan of the Twilight books, I read them all in less than a week. With that said I am a fan of the Twilight movies, but not because they are such a great interpretation of the book but because they are so abusrdly bad that I can’t help but watch them. It’s like a trainwreck on the big screen and there is no where I would rather be at midnight on a Thursday! The first half of the final movie, Breaking Dawn Part I, did not disappoint. The wedding scene was unintenionally funny because Bella seriously looked like she was going to vomit as she walked down the aisle—I thought I was going to vomit watching her breath through her mouth. The honeymoon scene was just as absurd as I hoped it would be, I mean you really can’t play it serious when the “man” has to break the headboard and tear up pillows. It only got better when we got to the morning after and Bella realizes she is bruised from the rough sex and the script somehow manages to make that into an abused woman apologizing for her husband beating her. I don’t really know how that happened but the feeling in the movie was much creepier than the vibe you get when reading that scene in the book. Of course, Stewart only makes things worse with her insane mouth breathing—which I complain about all the time, but I think it bears mentioning again (seriously I think there must be something wrong with her nose cause her mouth is always hanging open). Jasper still looks like the ugliest D-bag alive, i’m not sure if his ramrod straight back and pursed lips are Rathbone’s natural stance or if thats the “direction” he’s taking the character but I laughed everytime he showed up on screen. Then add to that Nikki Reed who looked like a dude dressed as a woman, it was seriously distracting, I don’t know how she ended up looking like that but I kept checking for her five o’clock shadow when she was on screen. The wolves “silent” communication—where we hear there thoughts as they make aggressive head movements at each other—was ridiculous and unecessary, but damn funny. Finally, the topper to it all, was the moment we all knew was coming–Jacob imprinting on Renesme. Liz and I wondered how they would pull this off without having to verbally explain what was happening—and well they didn’t exactly. Lautner is simply not a strong enough actor to carry a scene that is supposed to be esentially communicated though the eyes, luckily for him they either cast the most alert baby ever or did some impressive CGI magic with its eyes cause that baby rocked that unspoken connection. Of course, the script writer had to go and ruin that “unspokeness” by actually speaking and having a voice over tell us what is happening. Thats fine for the uninitiated, but lets be honest the people seeing these movies do not need to be told what is happening they know. So, reading all this it would seem I hated this movie, when in reality I LOVED this movie. It was so bad, so laugh out loud funny, that I can’t help but recommend you go see it. Just go in knowing this is not a genre movie, this a Mormon horror story! I mean seriously try not to read some hidden message into Edward “inserting his venom” into Bella as she dies—i’m pretty sure the “inserting of venom” is what got us into this mess! I give Breaking Dawn Part I 3.5/5 demon babies!
So, going into this film I was a little on the fence. Unlike the previous installments the lack of information on filming cause me to almost forget about the film. It didn’t help that this was my least favorite book. I only liked the first half so when part II comes out I may do a full on assault of the film so be forwarned. Anyway, The wedding scene seemed drawn out but I did like the guest giving speeches to the couple, especially Charlie. Throughout this film series Charlie has been the much needed comic relief during certain scenes. We then move to the honeymoon. I was thoroughly disappointed when Edward did not take Bella deep into the water but the whole avoidance of the bedroom scenes were okay. Oh no, you know what happened next she’s having a baby. I think at this point the people sitting around me and Sunshine got used to us laughing out loud at inappropriate times in the film but can you blame us? The pregnancy and birth scene was straight from a Freddy Kruger film so that was excellent. I don’t think the tweens read it this way but I sure did! Then the imprint scene, I was shocked at how good they were able to pull it off because I was prepared for an epic fail or a bloody baby hand touching Jacob and the imprinting. The film ends as we suspected with Bella’s blood-red eyes. Don’t get up yet folks because there is an extra scene towards the beginning of the credits that includes the Volturi. Preview for part II? I leave you with some final character notes:
- I like Jasper and I like Rathbone but his hair has gone down every film. I don’t agree on the douchebaggery because he was barely in the film but I wanted to cry from laughing every time I saw him.
- Agreed, Rosalie has become more mannish than the supermodel she was supposed to be.
- Alice has short hair! Way to finally get it after three films.
- Carlisle and Esme are just as forgot as they are in the books
- Emmett= Comedic relief
- Edward has one emotion the whole film no matter what is going on. I find that strange because he is so in love with Bella.
- Jacob wears a lot of clothes in this film so sorry ladies!
This overly melodramatic film is entertaining for us because we like the poorly written books and the poorly written/acted movies. I give this film 3/5 demon babies. Go see it if you tolerated the previous ones or if you are a glutton for comedy as I am!